Poop is my favorite palindrome.

Ah, whatever, who gives a fuck!

What is a brain?

I used to be like, "Holy shit, I'm so fucking awesome."

Okay, I never really did it like that, it was more like, "I think I'm pretty okay, bitches."

But now I'm like, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Now I'm like, "I'm too scared to talk on the phone, I have anxiety problems, I'm too pussy shit to do anything because then I might fail and look stupid."

And everyone else is like, "Check me out, my dick is huge. Excuse me, I meant to say 'dicks.' My dicks are huge. I have multiple dicks, did I mention that already?"

And I'm like, sitting here waiting for someone to hand me something or to pat me on the back and say, "Good job, Tara, you've been waiting so patiently, here is a prize and a blow job and all of your hopes and dreams in a basket."

And I'm like, jealous, or whatever, of what everyone else is doing, the smallest little things, but I could be doing those things too, but I don't because I am mentally retarded and really dumb and probably lazy but mostly just scared.

And then I sit at my computer and think about how it's not fair but it is. It is fair.

This is not about fame, or money, or any of those weird things that we all like

(and pretend not to like.)

This is not about...anything.

This is about my life and doing whatever I want with it as long as it's something other than longing for your dicks or waiting for the man with the basket.

Barbecue ribs.

Does your news feed feed you?

Help me, mother.

I am an outstandingly awful grownup.

(Does anyone ever teach you how to do it right?)

Baby steps.

Good theatre should

make you laugh,

blow your mind,

and cover you in blood.

Your seat in the audience should never be safe.