I'm chatty today.

Christmas sucks when your parents are totally divorced, your mom is bitter, your dad is politely manipulative and neither of them can quite comprehend that you are completely incapable of being everywhere at once.

On a more important note, it felt like Spring today.

I know it's just an evil trick. But thanks, Christmas.

Elmo. Elmo. Elmo.

You can be Lady Gaga. I can be T-Pain.

My cat gives me KISSES!

Well, at least I'm still alive!

Fuck.

Today is not a good day.

Note to Self:

Boys with tattoos and black-rimmed glasses are all assholes.

fragment of angry candy.

I like knowing that no one really reads this.
Also, I am going to get a cat very soon.

Stomachs are gay.

I can't stop thinking about food.
It's all I think about.

God Dammit.

I need a hug.

SERIOUS BLOG!

I am the only person that knows how to drive.
EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE THEIR MOTHER FUCKING DRIVER'S LICENSE REVOKED.

Bye Bye July

I'm gonna miss you.

I miss my family.

Plucking your eyebrows really hurts.

One month later.

And I know that I'm going to be just fine.

We're not shy. We're contagious.

FUCKOFFASDIFHOAIDHGOIHA!!!

Where my balls at?

I miss Key Key.

Blacklight tattoo.

Things I love right now:
Days off.
This shit.
My fucking hedgehog.

STAPH SUCKS COCK!

Happy Halloween!
Just kidding, it's not Halloween yet.

P.S. Your tattoos are stupid.

I am going to join Hard Knox Rollergirls

IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME.

I know it's impossible.

But I should try to shake it off.

I also hate hedgehog poop.

I still hate Cammie Hall.
Fuck you, bitch.

Definition of productivity.

I woke up too early this morning.

Guppy puppies

I really wish it was winter.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I fucking hate winter.

That's not my name.

I have serious relationship issues.
Oh noes.

Excuse me Mr.

No Doubt puts on a damn good concert.

Fuck Chuck E. Cheese.

Don't tell me I'm working 12-8...
And then change it to 3-8 without telling me...
And then text me at 10 in the morning to say it's actually 12-8 again...
And then tell me that I have to stay late when I already came in 3 hours early,

YOU DIRTY MOTHER FUCKERS.

Helium Bo Belium

Just go see it.

Stuffy noses suck dick.

Yummmmm, y'all.
(Click it! Thanks, George.)

Hurgly Burgly

Ughhhhhhh.

Stanky Wanky

This guy cracks me up.

Drunk Blog. Drulog.

I'M SO DRUNK.

That's embarrassing.

I saw a 16-year-old scream and hide behind their mother when they saw Chuck E. Cheese yesterday.

My New Stinky Friend

I decided to name him Cipollini.
He's a straight up gangsta.

I want pie. I want beef jerky.

We're talkin maybe one month till hedgehog time.

HELL MOTHA FUCKIN YES!

SnotRagsBarfBagsPornoMags

I hate having a cold.

I think I might like Coldplay.

I dreamt that tiny puppies lived underwater.

Teh bludz. I has tems.

I CUT MAH FANGER.
April Fools.

I kill birds for fun now.

THAT IS BIRD SHIT. ON MY CAR.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Blink Blank Blonk

I'm glad I'm not that horse.

Bacon Butter

Spring and Summer To-Do List

1. Get a job that does not involve screaming children.
2. Buy a pet hedgehog.
3. Take singing lessons.
4. Finally beat the hell out of Banjo-Kazooie.
5. Fly a lot of kites.

Unicycle Bicycle Tricycle.

I don't really know what blogs are.